Christopher's, Wellington Street, Covent Garden

I've been to Christopher's American Bar and Grill for weekend brunch or for evening martinis a few times, and finally had dinner there on Saturday.

Booze

The downstairs bar (The Martini Bar) is fairly small - you couldn't get more than about 50 people in it, including a few standees - and a rich red colour, with only hanging lights shaped like interplanetary jellyfish of various sizes and four big windows to the outside preventing it from being a just bit too uterine. There are four or five horseshoe-shaped booths which can comfortably accommodate six, a corner table of similar size, a few smaller tables and about half a dozen stools at the bar.

There is a menu of martinis and other cocktails, as well as some other stuff. Ignore the rest - the point of this place is martinis. A martini is not a difficult thing to make, and they do not fail here, so that is not why you must drink martinis here. The reason is that you will look completely out of place if you have a fruity cocktail or, The Lord Forbid, a glass of wine or a beer in here. I know this because I am off booze at present and I felt utterly stupid drinking my bright pink "Shirley Temple", and faintly embarrassed that one of my companions was drinking Becks from what seemed to be an oversized snifter glass.

Do beware, however. The martinis (most at 8 GBP each) are made with 75ml of spirit. Four or five is a sensible limit for drinkers of reasonable skill. My record (fortunately on the work dollar) is somewhere north of 8, perhaps as many as 10. It left me with no recollection of getting home and the only pieces evidence for the later part of the evening I was left with were that the price of a cab home was missing from my wallet and that my shoes - but no other part of my clothing - smelled quite strongly of vomit.

The service (all at your table unless you are drinking at the bar) is polite but seems to vary a little in competence, especially when the bar is busy.

The Restaurant

The eating area is upstairs in a single large wood-floored, high-ceilinged room with a slightly separate alcove. The martini rule does not apply here.

Weekend brunch

Brunch is a shit word, but often an enjoyable meal and that is certainly true here. The brunch menu at Christopher's (available Saturdays and Sundays, 11am-3.30pm) comes in two courses for 14.50 GBP or three for 17 GBP for the extra two and a half quid you might as well go for three courses, but unless you have a well-developed appetite you will probably not finish it all.

The way it seems to work is that you choose your two or three courses and nominate one as your main course. This is important because it will beg twice the size of the other courses. I won't bother going into detail on the menu - everything I have had has been good (generally meat-heavy) as has everything I have seen anyone else eat.

Since the martini rule is suspended until you descend the slightly scary round stairs, you should have a Bloody Mary. It has the too-often-neglected requisites - horseradish and dry sherry - but you might want a to demand a little more tabasco for your second if the first disappoints. (They make it with Absolt Peppar and apparently no extra tabasco by default.)

Three courses, a Bloody Marys each, water, coffee and 12.5% service totals a nudge over 30 quid per head. The service is good, though last time they were full and didn't have quite enough staff on.

Dinner

We finally tried dinner at Christopher's last Saturday. I hadn't looked at the evening a la carte menu before but it is pretty steak-heavy. The wife, who is one of those vegetarians-who-eat-fish, didn't have a lot of choice, but I was happy.

We opened with beef carpaccio (twice), pumpkin risotto and the celeriac+porcini soup. The carpaccio was Ok, but not spectacular. Six large, thin circles of (presumable) sirloin, apparently rolled in some herbs before slicing, drizzled with something a bit bland which I guessed to be a sour cream with lemon. The meat was either too cold or too immature to have much flavour and the dressing didn't add much except moisture which wasn't needed. The other starters looked fine but I was too self-absorbed to ask if they were.

For the main course, the beef eaters stayed on course with the prime rib for two, and the others had baked halibut and the squash tamale. "What the fuck is tamale?" I hear you cry. Well, it seemed to something close in texture and taste to vegetarian haggis, but wrapped up in some kind of dried leaf thing a bit like an old-fashioned boiled sweet or a Christmas cracker. It looked pretty neat, but I'm glad it wasn't on my plate.

The halibut looked OK, but a bit small.

And then the beef arrived. Not really knowing about the American cuts of beef, I had assumed that we were getting a small roast from the fat end of the sirloin, to be carved at the table. I still don't really know where it comes from, but it was a roasting joint from the top of the cow. The two of us sharing were given clean plates and the waiter had a serving plate with a round bit of beef of about 6-7 inches in diameter and 2 inches high. "Goody," thinks I, "half of that will fill a hole". But rather than carve it, they put it on my opponents plate. And then they put the other one (how they managed to hide it I have not been able to work out) on mine. Fucking hell, we had what I estimate at 12-14oz of cow flesh EACH. Re-fucking-sult.

And it was pretty good. It had a reasonable roast-crust around the outside, but I think medium might have been a better idea than medium-rare, as once this had been eaten, we were still left with just the pulpy pink bit in the middle. I fought valiantly on and completed my task. My oppponent did not fare so well (being about half my weight I think we can excuse her this) and they were good enough to wrap up the remainder in a bit of foil to take home. Honestly, the experience of eating such a cartoon-style pile of steak was slightly better than the piece of meat, which should probably have been a bit more mature and (our own fault, this) a bit more "done".

The above were accompanied with a couple of portions of chips, the same of mange tout and some creamed spinach, about which nothing interesting can be said. Except maybe that I still managed to get through my share of the green stuff after (and only after) the beef was gone.

Puddings were a bit of a low point. My "ice creams and sorbets" involved three small scoops of obviously commercial ice cream and one of those long triangles of crispy waffle or pancake batter. The peach melba was an unimpressive sundae. The bread and butter pudding looked alright, but not amazing, and it wasn't clear why they have that sort of stodge on the menu after such heavy main courses.

The service on the night was pretty good - prompt and unintrusive, and the food arrived very quickly - but there was a bit much leaning over the table rather than going round to the relevant place, the bread and butter pudding arrived with ice-cream which we had specifically asked not to have (I ate it, of course) and Mrs Scoffer was annoyed that her wine glass didn't get topped up as often as the other drinker at the table. If these sound a bit petty, it's because the basic service and polite and competent in a way you shouldn't have to be grateful for but somehow are, especially in central London.

Total bill including a round of drinks at the bar, water, a fairly cheap bottle of wine and coffee, and again with added service, was a few pence under 230 quid, which I consider reasonable value for the experience. It was made very good value by the fact that I had a 25% off voucher we'd been given when we visited for brunch just before Christmas. Result!

In Summary

Of the three possible reasons to go to Christopher's I have listed above, the first two are very good reasons indeed and the last is not bad either.

Meat-shopping in the City

Meat City, Farringdon Road

Meat City (article here) is a one-man butchery run by Nigel Armstrong, who is a nice chap with a real passion for quality meat. Unlike a lot of "butchers" which are actually just meat shops (including most of those just round the corner at Smithfields Market), Nigel hangs and butchers his own meat, the beef for a full 28 days. Treat yourself to some steaks from here - I defy you to find a better bit of beef anywhere. Butchery is done on a weekly cycle which means, for example, that you will not always find a bit of rolled roasting sirloin except at the end of the week. There is a freezer at the back which will always have a bit of topside and often some interesting game and meats from elsewhere, including kudu, springbok, kangaroo, ostrich as well as rabbit and venison.

It is expensive, but in this case you really are getting quality in proportion to the price. Compared to a bit of fillet, sirloin or rump from Meat City, Sainsbury's Taste the Difference-Jamie Oliver-Happy Cow-Hung for 21 Days or Tesco Finest steak (let alone their cheaper steaks and cuts) might as well be burger bun for all the taste it has.

The meat is mostly from happy animals - a leaflet on the counter explains where most of it comes from, why it isn't all organic (sheep, in particular, apparently have a much better quality of life if they are given small doses of medication to fend off irritants and parasites). The shop is open until 6.30pm Monday to Friday.

If you like to make your own stock, ask Nigel for beef and pork bones. I don't know if bones vary in quality as much as meat, but I have always been pleased with the stock I have got from them and at a pound per kilo you might as well ask when you're there.

Good dry-cured bacons and black and white puddings make a fine contribution to any fry-up. And finally, the pork sausages are top notch - in my opinion better than the "award-winning" ones from the also excellent:

Simply Sausages

Simply Sausages sells pretty much just sausages (there is a rack of packets of biltong and some shelves with sauces and relishes). They have about two dozen kinds, including an award-winning pork banger, a peppery breakfast sausage, an organic pork banger as well as lamb, venison, and various spiced sausages including a good merguez. The pork sausages are really excellent meaty things. I am not a huge fan of beef or game sausages, but they seem pretty good. As with all proper sausages, the fat and breadcrumb are there for taste and texture rather than filler. One welcome side-effect of this is that they seem a lot healthier than comparable bangers.

The prices are pretty reasonable - certain no more that you would pay for good quality sausages in a supermarket. Wander in late-afternoon and you will often find a mixed tray of about dozen saugases "to be cooked or frozen today" for a couple of quid.

Northfields Farm, Borough Market

I can't decide whether I rate the staff at this stall at the famous Borough Market very highly as butchers - perhaps I am prejudiced, but they all seem a bit too young and they seem to have mostly prime cuts which makes me wonder where the rest of the cow/etc is going - but their meat is excellent. It is expensive but worth it, and open on Saturdays which Meat City is not. Again, it is substantially humanely-reared meat, allwed to mature without adulterants.

Don't let the name mislead you, this isn't a better-organised stall at a farmers' market - Northfields Farm is a butcher which happens to be attached to a farm. They have a farm shop in Rutland, stalls at Borough and Broadway markets and will be often found at food fairs and festivals around the country.

Aside from meat they have a burger/sausage-frying area, where you can sample some tasty, tasty food in a bun, and a slightly pointless shelf of chutneys and relishes.

J C Continental Stores, Caledonian Road (just by Kings Cross)

This lovely little Italian shop is nt a meat shop per se, but does do fine meaty things. It is run by a tiny, old (I guess not far short of 70) guy and his wife, and specialises in imported Italian staples. From the old-school, the shop is not self-service but rather you must direct one of these lovely people around the back of a horseshoe-shaped bar behing which are shelves of sauces, pasta, biscotti and wine, as well as cheeses, salami and other sausages, mortadella, bresaola, cooked hams and a big rack of delicious parma hams.

This last is the main attraction - the prosciutto is usually excellent (it does vary a little) and at 50p/oz, impossibly cheap for those used to spending a fiver on eight transparent slices at Waitrose. This is old-school shopping - ask for half a pound and you will have to wait 5 minutes while it is sliced for you on a beautiful ancient hand-cranked machine, laid out a slice at a time on waxed paper. The salamis are generally good too, in particular a splendid spicy salami which reminds one that fiery food is not the exclusive province of the East. One tip - don't over-order. Aside from taking ages to slice, the parma especially will dry out in the fridge.

They also do a really, really good pork banger, which is rich and pungent with herbs and spices but not so much so that it becomes something other than a good Britist-style sausage.

The cheese is good value too. If memory serves mostly around 50p/oz for good Parmigiano , Gorgonzola, Provolone, wonderful Tellegio and with mozzarella at 50p/ball (or a bit more for proper bufala).

Other products are what you might expect - sauces, pasta (dried and fresh packet), breads and wine. I got in trouble once for asking for "one of the big bottles of your red cooking wine", because even at 7 or 8 quid for two litres it is actually perfectly acceptable.

It is fabulous little shop, the sort which make a town a better place by being there even if you only go once a month. When it closed for a month last year after the old guy had a heart attack, I was miserable, imagining that it had shut down.

Curry Leaf East, City Road

From the name, one assumes that the new-ish Curry Leaf Easthas a North, West or South counterpart. Perhaps this one is related, but I was not able to find any indication that that is so. Poking around on the interweb I see that is it for sale though apparently, and oxymoronically, "developing into a well-established business".

The interior (with which I was familiar in its previous guise as a nice, if over-trendy bar called "Liquid Lab") is a nice space; narrow and slightly cave-like, with a second floor at the back which isn't visible from the street. The bar is an attractive curved wooden thing with a good selection of the usual whiskies. I am seated at my table for one half-way back, with a weird wooden whalebone thing separating me from the dumb (and live) waiters. The walls are all scuffed at the height of the tops of the chairs. Why oh why oh why don't they paint the damned place on a Sunday when they're closed? The only reason I can think of is that there is nobody with a proper proprietorial relationship with the place to object to this creeping delapidation.

The place feels slightly sterile, which again I put down to too-bright lighting and lack of music. The latter is a matter of taste but eating alone in a restaurant which is three-quarters empty and nearly silent can be a bit soul-sapping.

The menu is contemporary with a lot of unfamiliar options, but not as short as many trendy curry houses. This is actually quite confusing to my booze-addled brain. It's also pretty pricey - starters are all about 4 quid, mains vary from 7-11 quid, pulao rice nearly 3 quid, vegetable sides average about 4.50. It had better be good.

There don't seem to be any poppadom options, nor is anyone else obviously eating them so I grab a waiter (of which there is no shortage) and order.

Once the order has been taken, I am offered poppadoms. This would be annoying were I not hungry enough for pops and a starter. Fortunately I am. They come with a watery minty yoghurt (obviously made from Colman's mint sauce), a runny mango chutney with a few chilli flakes and a little pot of chopped red onion, red and green peppers and, praise The Lord, no cucumber! There is no lime or chilli pickle, though later on I hear an adjacent table request and receive some. My sweet lassi arrives soon thereafter and is good - yoghurty and dry while still sweet and not too thick.

My starter, Chicken Chatpatta - "Juicy fillet of chicken with an unusual blend of hot, sweet and sour flavour. Served with mint sauce." - takes about 25 mintes to arrive and while OK isn't really worth the wait. A big round plate arrives with a small pile of shredded garnish, and a slightly larger pile of little bits of chicken in a dry sauce with some bits of green and red pepper. The sauce is hot and sour and very slightly sweet and interestingly with a slight smoky flavour. The chicken is indeed juicy. The a small pot of mint sauce is bland and not even minty. Indeed, until rereading the menu now I had thought it was a disappointing coriander chutney. In summary, it's a small, poncy chicken pathia. The next course had better be good.

For my main course, I choose Laal Maans (no, I hadn't seen it spelled with an "n" elsewhere either) which is "A traditional Rajasthani speciality of diced baby lamb cooked with dried red chillies and crushed garlic" and which I have rather enjoyed elsewhere. The rice options are plain, jeera pulao, mushroom pulao and special fried rice (onion and tomato flavoured mildly spiced pulao with egg and peas"). I don't like cumin that much but I go for the jeera pulao anyway. I allow myself to be taking into a veggie dish I don't really need, choosing chana masala (extra hot, please). It had better be good.

It arrives and the portions are OK but far from generous. I don't mind as I have ordered too much anyway. It had better be good though.

The rice smells powerfully of cumin though fortunately the taste isn't too strong. A third is buttery yellow, another third is all stuck together. It is overcooked but passable. The curries had better be good.

The laal maans is a little less dark than one might find elsewhere, garnished with a big kashmiri chilli and either semolina or chopped sesame seeds. The sauce has a deep, hot flavour. The lamb is lean, but slightly overcooked. The chana is pretty ordinary but again has a slighty smokey flavour. (Are they using smoked paprika?) Neither of the dishes has that oily sheen - they seem to be careful about adding fat here.

Bill for the above and a second sweet lassi plus added service came to a touch over 28 quid.

It's not a bad place and they've put a fair amount of effort into the menu (or pinching it from elsewhere) but the cooking isn't good enough, the place too scruffy and the service just a bit too slack to justify prices about a 50% over a bog standard curry house.